I’m Comcastic

Today feels like a slow, rainy fall day, so I’m going to take it easy and review some of my recent shopping experiences.

Despite the fact that I was a loyal Qwest customer, I’m now signed up with Comcast. Why? Qwest doen’t offer internet service at my new address! Which is unbelievable. But, despite Comcast’s reputation for poor customer service, the outfit did very well for me. So far, I’m a pleased customer. Nevermind that the company’s slogan, “Comcastic,” rhymes with spastic and bombastic.

I was in a hurry the other day at the grocery store, so I quickly bought a half-gallon of “All Natural,” “Made With Real Oranges” Minute Maid. Well, make that “All Natural Flavors.” Mostly it’s corn juice, which I promptly poured down the drain. Yuck. I guess high fructose corn syrup is a “natural” drink, in the same way that fly soup is “natural.”

During the same shopping trip, I noticed a publication on the stands called “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Palmistry.” Yup.

I enjoy Flight of the Conchord’s robot song, in which “it is the year 2000.” Well, I recently picked up a used book called “The Year 2000,” published in 1967. (It cost $9.95 for a hardback back then.) The book anticipates “increased Sensate (empirical, this-worldly, secular, humanistic, pragmatic, utilitarian, contractual, epicurean or hedonistic, and the like) cultures…” The authors couldn’t have been more wrong about that one. That’s what happens when “empirical, this-worldly, secular” is equated with pragmatic and hedonistic.