Quite obviously — and we know it’s true because it was published by Fox News — Tim Tebow’s 316 passing yards in yesterday’s spectacular victory against the Steelers “Invokes Key Bible Verse,” that being John 3:16. (See also my comments about this elsewhere.)
But what sports writers have not yet figured out is that God was sending us a message through all of Tebow’s games, not just yesterday’s game. If we look carefully enough at the numbers, we can divine God’s complete message for us. Just take a look at Tebow’s stats for the entire season.
What is not commonly understood is that the reference to John comes from the number of passes completed. That number is 10. What is the tenth letter of the alphabet? It’s “J,” as in “John.” Coincidence? I think not.
Clearly God was using Tim Tebow, in the course of a glorious football game, to communicate with mankind. (Clever technique, that, as opposed to, say, a burning bush.)
So let’s look at God’s complete message, using the stats from Tebow’s entire season.
Game 5: Tebow completed 4 passes for 79 yards. Obviously, then, that refers to Daniel 7:9:
“As I looked, thrones were placed and one that was ancient of days took his seat; his raiment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like pure wool; his throne was fiery flames, its wheels were burning fire.”
Prepare to have your mind blown. That week the Chargers beat the Broncos. Their “throne” a “fiery flame?” Well, it’s the Chargers, and just look at the logo of their helmets! It’s a flame! And the white hair? Check out the mane of Chargers general manager A. J. Smith.
Game 7: 13 completions for 161 yards. Obviously the 13 can’t refer to “Malachi,” because that book doesn’t contain enough chapters or versus. So the next logical book is Matthew, 16:1:
“And the Pharisees and Sadducees came, and to test him they asked him to show a sign from heaven.”
Was Tebow tested? Did he show a sign? Well, the outcome speaks for itself: “Tebow answers critics, rallies Denver to win vs. Miami.”
Game 8: Tebow completed 18 passes for 172 yards. That can’t be “Ruth” or “Romans,” because they aren’t not long enough. That takes us to Revelation 17:2. That starts off mid-sentence, so I’ll include the first verse as well:
“Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls came and said to me, ‘Come, I will show you the judgment of the great harolot who is seated upon many waters, with whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and with the wine of whose fornication the dwellers on earth have become drunk.”
Let me just point out that the Lions crushed the Broncos that game 45-10. How many “bowls?” 7. How many sacks? Again, 7. I’m not sure what the “fornication” bit means — perhaps it’s metaphorical — but the Broncos sure played like they were drunk.
I could continue, but this is the sort of thing the reader can ably do for himself. I think the point is made well enough by now.
January 12 Update: Westword has outdone me. After reviewing the findings of this post, Michael Roberts predicts that, in his next game, Tebow will complete twelve passes for 263 yards, invoking Leviticus 26:3:
If you walk in My statutes and keep My commandments, and perform them…. you shall eat your bread to the full, and dwell in your land safely. I will give peace in the land, and you shall lie down, and none will make you afraid; I will rid the land of evil beasts, and the sword will not go through your land. You will chase your enemies, and they shall fall by the sword before you. Five of you shall chase a hundred, and a hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight; your enemies shall fall by the sword before you.
Let us pray it comes to pass.